


look at this broken mask

by kimxjeon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Coming Out, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Secret Relationship, i was supposed to do my homework, this sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 11:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16062665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimxjeon/pseuds/kimxjeon
Summary: “If I didn’t know you better, I would’ve thought you had a crush on Jaemin,” Renjun comments.Jeno almost chokes on his drink, but doesn’t let that happen. He gives Renjun a weird look. “What?”Renjun looks indifferent which is very strange. “You act weird around Jaemin.”





	look at this broken mask

**Author's Note:**

> HI LMAO im actually working on a longer nomin fic (which is planned to be more than 10k words or sumn) but i felt like posting something shorter first so i wrote this...
> 
> i didnt plan for it to be more than 5k words and im CRYING i cant believe i never stick to my own words
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy this though!!
> 
> (pls comment im sad.. it doesnt have to be a nice one i take criticism v well!!!)

“Guys! Guys! Guys!”

Three heads look up to where the sound is coming from, only to see Donghyuck running to their table, not caring the looks given to his way. He pants as he dramatically slides in the seat next to Jisung, who raises a brow.

“What, Hyuck?” Renjun says.

“So,” Donghyuck starts. He looks at the three of them one by one before he takes a deep breath and smiles. “Na Jaemin.”

They all wait for him to continue.

“What about him?” Jisung says.

“Heard he’s dating someone.”

Jisung actually gasps at that, while Renjun just stares at Donghyuck as if he’s trying to read his face - find out whether Donghyuck is joking around or not. Jeno stays silent.

“Are you sure?” Renjun asks.

“Yeah.”

“Who?”

He looks left and right, seeing if there’s anyone near their table before he whisper-shouts, “Not sure. Someone said they saw Jaemin in the music room after school yesterday with a girl and they were very… intimate, apparently. They think it’s Mihyeon, but they’re not sure.”

“That’s… wild,” Renjun comments. Jisung actually looks shocked. Jeno’s frowning.

“I mean, it kind of makes sense. Jaemin doesn’t take Music, but she does,” Donghyuck says, then he shrugs. “Not sure why they’d keep it a secret. Mihyeon’s pretty popular and she got these guys who follow her around waiting for her to accept them because she’s single… or not?”

“I don’t even know Mihyeon that much, but for Jaemin to date someone like her…”

Jeno reacts at that. “What do you mean, ‘someone like her’?”

Renjun stares at the empty space of the table in front of him. “Isn’t Jaemin, like, I don’t know, _gay_?”

Jisung gasps louder.

“Jisung, don’t act like you don’t know.”

“I mean, I do _know_ , I just forgot about it and now I’m confused because what’s the truth?” Jisung huffs. “Gay? What if he found a girl that made him a heterosexual?”

Donghyuck cracks a laughter at that. “Maybe he’s bisexual.”

Renjun shakes his head, denying every nonsense his friends are saying. “I know Jaemin.”

 Then he looks at Jeno who hasn’t really spoken much.

“Do you know anything?”

Jeno seems flustered at that. “W-what? Why would I know?”

The smaller boy looks at him quizzically. “Because you’re his seatmate in Chemistry?”

“I don’t know. I don’t _care_?”

Renjun just rolls his eyes. “I don’t get why you act like you don’t want anything to do with Jaemin. I’m pretty sure you’re always in a brighter mood when he joins us.”

Donghyuck snickers.

Jeno just grumbles, ignoring Renjun’s words.

“Nah, Jeno’s too straight for that,” Donghyuck comments. Jisung nods with a disapproving look.

“Yeah yeah, stop talking about me. The bell’s going to ring soon.”

“Alright. Let’s go!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jeno finds himself staring at the back of Mihyeon’s head, who’s sitting in front of him. His thoughts are too loud for him to be focusing on what his teacher is saying and he doesn’t notice that the teacher has stopped speaking, or Renjun who’s glancing at him worriedly. But when he does, he looks at his seatmate.

“What?”

“You look frustrated.”

Jeno softens his expression, clearing his throat when he realises that his eyebrows have been pulled together for a long time. He sits up straight, uncrossing his arms which had been over his chest to put them on the table in front of him.

“Just, things.”

“You sure? You usually don’t let things bother you that much. I swear you looked like you were going to blow up.”

Jeno laughs. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Obviously. You’re more of a relaxed guy than I am - than all of _us_.”

Jeno just shakes his head, smiling at his friend’s words. Then the girl in front of them turns around to pass the worksheet that they are asked to work on.

“Here,” she says, voice soft and careful. Jeno stares at her extending her arms to him, while shooting a lovely and charming smile - as if she knows the effect it has on people. Jeno doesn’t move, but Renjun does.

Renjun takes the papers from her, but not before elbowing Jeno who remains unfazed. Mihyeon breaks eye contact with Jeno to look at Renjun, and her smile becomes wider.

“Thanks,” Renjun says to her. She nods and looks back in front.

Jeno finally moves, about to take his paper from Renjun, but Renjun puts it away, not letting him take it.

“What’s wrong with you today?”

“Leave me alone. It’s Thursday,” Jeno replies, about to reach out for his paper in Renjun’s hold, but the smaller boy just moves further away. Jeno sighs, hands dropping on his lap. “What?”

Renjun eyes him for a second, before finally handing him the paper.

“Thank you,” Jeno says, clicking his pen to write his name down on it.

“Right,” Renjun says, also starting to write on his own paper. “It’s Friday tomorrow, the day where you tell us that you’re not going to let anything ruin your day?”

Jeno just hums in agreement.

“You still won’t tell us why.”

 “I already told you. Fridays are the best,” Jeno tells him, a small smile playing on his lips. “Closer to the weekend.”

“Hmm, whatever. It doesn’t give you the right to be unreasonably displeased today though.”

The other just shrugs. Then he tilts his head to look at Renjun.

“Mihyeon’s pretty,” he says in a small voice.

“She is,” Renjun says, not looking at him but reading what the question wants.

Jeno’s lips quirk, looking back at the paper. “No wonder Jaemin likes her.”

Renjun snorts.

“You jealous?”

Jeno shrugs.

His friend sniggers. “What made you suddenly so interested in Mihyeon?”

“I’m not,” Jeno denies.

“Mhm, whatever you say straightie.”

“You guys act like me being straight is wrong.”

“It’s not, really.”

“Liar. You make it sound like it is.”

Renjun giggles as he continues to do his work.

Jeno’s smile vanishes slowly, biting his lower lip as he thinks about maybe being gay isn’t wrong at all. It’s normal, and most of his friends are barely into girls anymore, so it would’t be a problem if he’s into boys as well. He thinks he feels left out, but he doesn’t. He wonders if there’s something wrong with him.

He thinks of a dazzling, beautiful smile, and compares it to Mihyeon’s charming, pretty smile - wondering why does the former affect him more although both smiles are attractive.

He shakes his head and continues to do his work.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s Friday, and he’s at his locker early in the morning. Friday’s the only day of the week where he arrives earlier than his friends to school, because apparently he’s more energized and motivated on Fridays. He stares at the items in his locker for a minute before sighing, closing his locker shut.  
A boy appears in sight.

“Hi!”

Jeno should be surprised and taken aback, but it’s happened a few times already and he’s used to it. He gives the other a small smile while leaning against his locker, crossing his arms.

“Hey.”

“You look tired,” Jaemin comments, smile falling. He frowns, walking closer to Jeno. He leans to him while holding the other boy’s face and starts inspecting his face. He puts his hand up to hold Jeno’s forehead, checking his temperature but Jeno swats his hand away.

“I-I’m fine. Just a bit tired,” Jeno says, leaning away from the other’s touch, heart twisting at the hurt flashing in Jaemin’s eyes, but does nothing to erase the guilt. Jeno looks at the girls passing them, before he clears his throat. “How about you? How are you feeling?”

He looks back at Jaemin, whose bright smile is now back on his face. “Oh, I’m great! Not having any after school clubs yesterday gave me more time to finish all my work, and I did finish all the ones due next week too.”

“Wow, that’s great. You’re so hardworking.”

Jaemin flushes at that, looking at the ground. “I-I’m not, really. I just wanted to be able to chill and relax this weekend since I wasn’t able to do it last week.”

He pouts, and Jeno, _of course_ Jeno glances down at his pink lips, not noticing Jaemin is looking at him while he does so. He only snaps out of it and looks away when Jaemin starts talking again.

“I hope there will be no homework given to me today. I’m going to be _so_ aggrieved.”

Jeno laughs endearingly as Jaemin starts whining about how busy he has been ever since he has been elected as the vice president of the student council - as if Jeno hasn’t heard him complain about this before, but Jeno still listens to him intently, like always.

“You signed up for it,” Jeno says.

“Well, yeah! Because I thought it’d be fun. Besides, I actually need it to get into a good university.”

“University…” Jeno trails off, frowning.

“I mean, it’s too early for that,” Jaemin says, laughing nervously. “We have one more year before we graduate-”

“Hey guys,” Renjun says.

“Hey,” Jeno responds, looking at Renjun who gives him a smile, then glances back at Jaemin.

Jaemin grins widely when Renjun looks at him. “Injun!” he squeals, pulling Renjun into a hug. Renjun tries to protest, but everyone knows Renjun lowkey likes affection. Jeno watches as Jaemin wrap his arms around Renjun whose arms are dangling off at his sides, before he gives in and hugs the other back.

When they pull away, Jaemin still has his hands around Renjun’s waist, bending down to lean his head on Renjun’s shoulder.

“You’re so touchy,” Renjun states, sounding tired, but he has his arm around Jaemin as well. Jaemin giggles at that.

“You never push me away!”

He playfully makes a kissy face at Renjun who yells at him to stop, then both of them start laughing, ignoring the looks from people in the area. It’s a normal occurrence, but they always manage to gain the attention of everyone else.

Jeno has a small smile playing on his lips, arms still crossed and back still leaning against the lockers.

Jisung arrives and the other two are now standing in front of Jeno. Jisung seems to know what’s going on, because he’s scanning at the crowd in the hallway, trying to find someone else he can talk to who’s not them.

“I’m tired of Jaemin. You can take him,” Renjun says, looking at Jeno. “Please take him away from me.”

Jaemin whines, “Aw, don’t get rid of me! You love me!”

“You wish!” Renjun barks. “Why don’t you just bother Jeno? Why _me_?” He sighs loudly.

Jaemin’s eyes flicker from Renjun to Jeno, who has been gazing at him the whole time with an indecipherable expression on his face. Jaemin looks conflicted, rooted to his spot. Renjun doesn’t seem to notice, because he pushes him to Jeno, and grabs Jisung with him. “Bye!”

Jaemin yelps, almost tripping over his own feet as Jeno catches him, holding his body with one of his arms. Jaemin stands up immediately, wrist now being held by Jeno. “T-thanks.”

Jeno tries not to gawk at Renjun who’s waving at them, walking away with Jisung beside him. They don’t have the first period together but that doesn’t give him the right to walk away like that. Jeno decides to shift his attention to Jaemin, who’s looking at him apologetically, like he’s blaming himself that this is happening.

However, Jeno gives him a profound smile, not letting go of his wrist, and instead moving on to hold his hand. Jaemin looks at him, then at their hands. He intertwines their fingers together, squeezing before giving Jeno the biggest smile ever, and Jeno wishes his heart isn’t palpating as much as it is right now. He’s about to say something, but someone comes along which causes both of them to let go of their hands, as if suddenly there’s a strong force driving them apart.

“What are you guys doing? The bell’s going to ring soon!” Donghyuck says, and now it’s his turn to pull his companion away. Again, Jeno doesn’t have first period with either of them, but he still feels empty as he watches them walking to the opposite direction of his next class.

Jaemin doesn’t leave Jeno’s sight before flashing him his ravishing smile, and waving at him. ‘See you,’ he mouths.

Jeno spends the entire walk to his class with a silly smile on his face.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“If I didn’t know you better, I would’ve thought you had a crush on Jaemin,” Renjun comments.

Jeno almost chokes on his drink, but doesn’t let that happen. He gives Renjun a weird look. “What?”

Renjun looks indifferent which is very strange. “You act weird around Jaemin.”

“How so?”

“To think that we’ve been friends for a long time now, you’d act more comfortable around him, but I notice he never touches you anymore,” Renjun says. “Did you say anything to him? I mean, I know Jaemin can be extremely touchy, but does he make you uncomfortable?”

Renjun’s frowning now, and Jeno is shocked.

“What? No! It’s not like that,” he says. “I just- I don’t _know_. I don’t know what to say to prove you wrong.”

“I’m kidding,” Renjun says. “Sorta. I just don’t want Jaemin to overwhelm you.”

“I didn’t know we were close with Jaemin,” Jeno mutters. “Like, you guys don’t even know if he’s dating Mihyeon or not.”

Renjun scrutinises him before speaking up. “Don’t tell me you believed that rumour.”

“I don’t,” Jeno says. “I’m just saying.”

Renjun sighs, staying silent for a minute, then he says, “I know Jaemin isn’t someone we usually hang out a lot with, but he’s still our friend. A _good_ one, that is. But if there are things that Jaemin doesn’t wanna tell us, then we’ll let him be.”

That hit Jeno.

Real hard.

He feels guilt eating him up, and he suddenly feels sick. His food in front of him looks far from appetising right now. His head is spinning and he feels like he has betrayed his own friends. His thoughts are muddled and suddenly he can’t speak.

Renjun goes on. “I’m not sure if he’s dating anyone but I’m pretty sure he’s into someone now. He’s more distracted than he usually is lately.”

Jeno gulps.

“Anyways, are you staying again after school? It’s Friday.”

“Yeah,” Jeno manages to say. “Of course.”

His best friend chuckles. “I don’t get why you need to stay back to finish your school work when you can do it at home. I’m pretty sure you focus better at home.”

Jeno shakes his head. “Nah, you know why.”

“Yeah yeah, there’s going to be a friend to help you. I don’t get why you wouldn’t wanna tell us who it is. I mean, Donghyuck knows almost everyone in this school, and it’s weird to find out you’re bonding with someone other than us.”

“Hey, I can befriend other people as well, thank you.”

Renjun snorts. “Yeah, right.”

“Besides, none of you want to stay back with me other than him,” Jeno adds.

His friend looks at him weirdly. “Of course! Who would want to stay back on Fridays? We all want to spend less time in this prison.”

Jeno laughs at the mention of prison.

“That’s _exactly_ why I wanna stay back on Fridays. No clubs, extracurricular activities, annoying freshmen and there’d be less people in school. It’s nicer that way.”

“What an odd way to put it.”

Jeno meets his friends at the lockers later, all of them waving goodbye at him.

“Bye, loser!” Donghyuck says.

“I don’t like you!” Jeno shouts back. Donghyuck just gives him the finger. Jeno makes sure they hear his laugh when Renjun smacks Donghyuck because of his vulgar behaviour.

“I’ll get you, Jeno!” Donghyuck shrieks before they disappear out of sight.

Jeno shakes his head, laughing to himself. He sighs, decides it’s a good time to go to the bathroom now to wait for more students to leave. When he’s done, he goes back to the lockers, only to see one girl still taking his things in his locker, and one other boy who’s on his phone, standing in front of his locker.

“Nana,” Jeno says.

Jaemin looks up, smiling immediately when he sees who it is. He puts his phone in his pocket. Jeno walks slowly towards him, watching the girl shut her locker and leave the area. He looks at Jaemin, finally standing in front of him.

His heart warms at the sight of Jaemin’s small smile - the one that is rarely seen, and the one that is reserved for him and him only. He sighs, feeling insanely smitten. He cups Jaemin’s face in his hands, stroking his cheek slowly before leaning in to press a kiss on his soft lips.

Jaemin’s smile widens, arms wrapping around Jeno’s waist to pull him closer.

Jeno makes sure to nuzzle his nose against Jaemin’s before pulling away. Their arms are still around each other but there’s space for them to speak properly to each other.

“I missed you,” Jeno says.

Jaemin bites his lower lip while grinning, before he giggles and puts his head in Jeno’s neck. Jeno raises a brow when Jaemin returns to his original position.

“Nothing,” Jaemin says, voice cheeky. “When you look at me like that while saying those words, I get very overwhelmed.”

Jeno rolls his eyes. “You love it.”

“Of course,” Jaemin says, pecking him once more on the lips. He takes Jeno’s hand. “Let’s go!”

They’re in the quiet and further back of the library a few minutes later. They are both sat on the huge bean bag and Jaemin’s head is on Jeno’s chest while Jeno’s arms are wrapped around him. The librarian’s out right now but she recognised them when they arrived because they come here often. Jaemin had greeted her with a very charming smile and she just smiled at them before telling them that she’s going to head out earlier today. They both nodded and went to their favourite concealed area.

Jaemin’s talking now, and Jeno, as usual, is listening earnestly to every single word he says. Jeno likes the sound of Jaemin’s voice, it soothes him, and it’s not like the things Jaemin’s say bore him, because he finds himself smiling at everything he says.

“Like, what did he expect me to do? You know me, right? I try so hard to be really affable and make someone feel less awkward with me but it was just so frustrating with him. He didn’t even try at all. He just stared at me with his dull eyes without saying anything and I felt like ripping his head off.”

Jeno knows Jaemin’s frustrated, but he still lets out a hearty laugh, chest moving against Jaemin’s back. Jaemin frowns, moving his head to look at Jeno.

“You’re laughing at my misery.”

“I am,” Jeno says. “I can’t believe there’s someone who’s unaffected by the one and only Na Jaemin.”

“Hey, you’re supposed to make me feel better!”

He laughs. “I know, I’m sorry. What’s the kid’s name?”

Jaemin sighs. “I don’t think you know him. He’s Bae Jinyoung.”

“Oh. Small faced?”

“Yeah!” Jaemin says, relieved that Jeno knows. “He’s good-looking but with that personality? No!”

“Mhm. Unlike you, you got the good looks and nice personality,” Jeno says unknowingly. “I’m lucky.” He puts his face in Jaemin’s thick hair affectionately.

Jaemin stays silent. Jeno’s confused as to why Jaemin has stopped moving and talking, so he shifts to look at Jaemin’s face who starts whining and covering his face instead.

“Don’t do that!”

Jeno’s really nonplussed. He blinks. “Do what?”

“Jeno, I have a huge crush on you so everything you say affects me.”

Honestly, Jeno is still confused, so he doesn’t respond.

“You can’t just say things like that!” Jaemin says, and that’s when it clicks. “You never realise the words you say to me, huh.”

Jeno then laughs. He sits up, causing Jaemin to sit up as well. Jaemin’s on his lap, and he makes sure Jaemin's able to face him.

Jaemin’s pouting, and Jeno’s just staring at him.

“It’s funny how before we dated, you were the one who got nervous at everything I said, even if it was a simple compliment like ‘woah, congrats for getting a full score on the test!’ and you would never look at me in the face again after that, too flustered to say anything,” Jaemin mumbles.

Jeno’s hands firmly hold Jaemin’s hips, as he kisses Jaemin’s temple.

“You’re joking. You still have the same spell over me,” Jeno tells him. “I just gained confidence to flirt with you more openly now.”

He smiles at Jaemin widely, eyes turning into the cute crescents that everyone is crazy for, especially Jaemin. That one smile that Jaemin is definitely crazy for, and especially when it’s thrown at him.

He remembers before they became close friends, he only had to see it from afar, because it was difficult to get this out of Jeno when they’re near each other. Jeno would smile at him, but it’d be tiny, small smile that is hard to know whether it’s genuine or not. Jaemin would go home thinking if he makes Jeno uncomfortable, because it would always be on his face. But after they became official, Jeno admitted that it was because Jaemin made him really nervous without knowing the actual reason why, because Jaemin is the first boy to make him feel this way, so it provoked Jeno.

Jaemin is really really whipped for this boy.

The first time this smile was directed to him, was on Jaemin’s birthday, and it was a few months of already being friends, and Jeno somehow has opened up to him. He greeted Jaemin, handing him a gift (it was full of good clothes, and gosh, Jaemin loves Jeno’s sense of fashion so much), and when Jaemin thanked him while taking the paper bag from him, Jeno just stared at him. Jaemin had noticed this, and made a face, asking ‘what?’, but Jeno just flashed him the smile.

Jaemin almost dropped his gift, taken aback by how hot his face had become, and how loud his heart was beating.

“I hope you like the gift,” Jeno said, still smiling, oblivious to how much it was affecting poor Jaemin.

His smile only fell when Jaemin didn't say anything back - too busy gaping at Jeno.

 _Way to go, Jaemin,_ he himself thought. _You’re not the one who’s supposed to show your panicked gay side to your straight crush!_

He pushed the thoughts away, and broke out of his reverie.

“Thank you so much!” Jaemin squealed, literally dropping the paper bag to engulf Jeno in a tight hug. It took Jeno a few seconds to react and hug back, but Jaemin didn’t care. He was happy that Jeno was now more relaxed around him.

That was months ago - when Jaemin was able to count the number of times Jeno sent that smile to his direction. Now Jaemin has lost count, but he isn’t sad at all. He’s just glad that he’s been given more chance to see more of this beautiful smile.

 _Jeno’s not the lucky one,_ he thinks. _I am._

He leans in a bit too harshly to press his lips against Jeno who yelps, but Jaemin doesn’t care. This feeling of love is taking over him and he's acting impulsively right now. He just puts his arms around Jeno’s neck and Jeno soon composes himself and kisses back, gripping both of his hips tightly before wrapping his arms completely around Jaemin’s waist.

Jaemin bites Jeno’s lower lip, causing the other to open his mouth. Jaemin grins victoriously, one hand now gripping Jeno’s shoulder. He shifts a little on Jeno’s lap, causing Jeno to make a noise at the back of his throat. Jeno pulls away immediately.

Both of them are now breathing heavily. Jeno looks shocked, but Jaemin’s just smiling.

“What was that?” Jeno asks, eyes wide, breathless.

Jaemin chews on his lower lip, trying to suppress a grin. They have never really kissed that passionately before, but he really liked it. Jeno’s post reaction is also making him feel like he’s falling in love all over again.

“Did you like it?” Jaemin asks back instead.

Jeno groans. “I hate you.”

Jaemin chortles.

They’re walking back home side by side, shoulders brushing. They’re not talking, but the silence is nice, just hearing the background noise of the streets and other living creatures. Jeno finally remembers something that he wanted to say.

“Hey, Nana,” Jeno says.

“Hmm?” Jaemin looks at him.

“Heard you were in the Music room yesterday,” Jeno starts, staring at his moving feet.

“Oh, yeah,” Jaemin says. “Is it the Mihyeon rumour?”

Jeno nods.

“You know how I’m friends with her,” Jaemin says. “I just noticed her feeling down and decided to ask her about it when we happened to be in there, and I just had to reassure her, you know? People know that. Everyone knows I can be really touchy but maybe they just misunderstood because we were alone in a room and we probably did look like we were a secret couple hanging out behind the eyes of people,” he pauses to laugh. “But I really had to hold her. She needed someone and I just happened to be there.”

He shakes his head.

“There’s no way in hell we are a thing because she’s still hung over her ex and I’m _gay_. Everyone needs to know that.”

Jaemin takes Jeno’s hand slowly, as if afraid that Jeno’s going to pull away from his touch. But he doesn’t.

“Everyone needs to know that I’m unavailable too. I’m taken, and in a happy relationship.”

Jeno smiles at that, but it doesn’t fully reach his eyes.

“Are you saying you want us to tell everyone we’re dating?”

“No! I didn’t mean that,” Jaemin says.

Jeno hates the tone of his voice. He wants to apologize for behaving this way but he’s too scared to look at Jaemin’s face, so he’s just staring at the ground they’re walking on until they’re in front of his house.

Jeno sighs, taking out the key to open his house.

“I’m home!” he says, but he gets no answer. He looks at Jaemin who’s standing by the closed door. “My parents aren’t here yet. Do you wanna go upstairs?”

Jaemin just nods, a small smile on his face.

Jeno feels his heart squeezing, but he doesn’t know why he chooses to walk to his room with Jaemin following him without even sparing a glance as he lies down on his bed, an arm over his eyes. He feels the bed shift a few seconds later, indicating Jaemin is sitting down beside him.

Jeno doesn’t move for a minute before he feels his throat closing up, so he moves his arm away and sees Jaemin sitting on his bed, but his legs are on the floor, and he’s staring at his fingers on his lap. He's facing the door instead of Jeno.

“Jaemin,” he calls out.

Jaemin turns around. “Yeah?” He smiles at Jeno.

Jeno extends his arm out, motioning for him to come closer. Jaemin looks at his hand, before holding it and lying down beside him. They’re both facing each other on his bed, and Jeno pulls him closer with his hand on Jaemin’s hip.

Jaemin’s smiling at him, and Jeno feels really, really choked up.

“What’s wrong?” Jaemin says, hand cupping Jeno’s jaw.

Jeno leans into the touch. He softly kisses Jaemin’s hand, before he blurts out, “I like you a lot.”

Jaemin chuckles. “I like you too.”

“I think I’m like, madly in love with you.”

“I feel the same.”

Jeno shakes his head. “I’m scared. I feel like, I like you too much, but I’m afraid that you’re not into this relationship as-”

“Jeno, what do you mean?” Jaemin’s frowning now.

"It's just."

"You can tell me."

Jeno bites the inside of his cheeks, then he starts rambling.

“Jaemin, you’re really open. Everyone knows you, and you’re like everyone’s favourite, but I feel like it’s my fault that you can’t really be you or that you’re living in this- _situation_ , where you’re lying to everyone, because I told you to keep our relationship a secret, and now everyone thinks you’re single, when you’re actually not, and I know there are times when you feel like you’re tired of keeping this hidden, because me too, but I feel so bad. I don’t want you to feel like this at all but I’m so stubborn that I don’t want people to think I have a boyfriend and everyday I think about the possibility of you not wanting to do this anymore because isn’t it _boring_? See each other in school and we have to act like we’re friends? Like I don’t want to grab you by the neck and kiss you right there and then? I’m really stubborn because I’m still frightened by people knowing but I’m even more terrified by the thought of you being so exhausted by me so I just want to let you know that I’m okay if you don’t want this to go on, and us breaking up since-”

“Wait, wait, Jeno, stop talking,” Jaemin says.

Jeno looks at him with shaky eyes. Jaemin looks at him, he looks at him with an expression so calm yet they’re filled with worry. Jaemin’s looking at him like he’s afraid that Jeno’s going to break, and when he does break Jaemin will be ready to pick up the pieces of him, because Jaemin looks like he would do anything to make sure Jeno’s okay, because he’s willing to go anywhere with Jeno and Jeno’s about to breakdown again but it’s too late to say that because Jaemin’s wiping the tears around his eyes, and he lets out a shaky breath when he realises he’s been crying without realising.

Jaemin’s so patient. He’s so, _so_ patient, and Jeno’s always wondering what did he do to deserve Jaemin.

“I don’t deserve you,” Jeno croaks out.

“Shhhh,” Jaemin says. He presses his lips on Jeno’s wet cheek, lingering there for a few seconds before he pulls away, and gives Jeno a reassuring smile. “Did you just plan on breaking up with me?”

Jeno looks alarmed. “Wait, no, listen-”

Jaemin puts a finger on Jeno’s lips. “Let me talk this time.”

Jeno just nods.

“I’m not tired of you. I respect your decisions, Jeno. Of course I would want to tell everyone that you are mine, but that can wait. You don’t wanna come out yet, and I understand that. I will wait for you endlessly, okay? I know it’s not easy, and I’m here with you, okay? I’m here for you. What matters to me is your happiness, alright? Please don’t doubt me ever again. I’m contented with what we are now. As long as we’re together, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I really am. One day, I’ll make sure we can hold hands outside, and make sure everyone knows not to bother you anymore,” Jeno says. He sniffs. “Like, the rumours are getting out of hand.”

Jaemin snorts. “I know right. How bold of them to assume I like girls.”

Jeno laughs, feeling better than before.

“Thank you,” he says to Jaemin.

"I just want you to be happy."

"I'm the happiest when I'm with you."

Jaemin just kisses him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You all heard about it, right?” Donghyuck comes with his tray of food with Mark tagging along.

“Is it Jaemin?” Jisung says. Donghyuck nods, then he nods. “Yeah.”

Jeno is sipping on his drink when Renjun asks, “What?”

“Jaemin revealed that he’s dating someone,” Donghyuck informs. “He hasn’t revealed who, though, but it has been going around because someone confessed to him in the lockers where everyone was watching but for the first time he admitted that he didn’t want to because he’s taken.”

“Do you think it’s a girl?” Mark says.

Jeno snorts.

They all look at him. Jeno ignores them and enjoys his drink.

Renjun speaks up, “I keep telling you all that Jaemin’s not straight. Heterosexuality doesn’t flow in his veins.”

“Ooh, we got the same blood!” Donghyuck says. Mark just rolls his eyes. Donghyuck notices this, and nudges him. “Shut up, you straightie! You and Jeno, y’all are boring.”

“I’m bisexual,” Mark says at the same time Jeno says, “I’m _not_ straight.”

All of their other friends gape at them, not sure whether to laugh because it’s a joke or it’s actually serious.

“For real?” Jisung asks.

Jeno nods, and Mark says, “Yeah.”

“Oh my God, Jeno!” Renjun pulls Jeno in a bone-crushing hug.

Jeno wheezes, and Renjun lets go.

“When did you find out?”

“Uh, actually, like, a while ago-”

“Doesn’t matter!” Renjun says, pulling him again. This time, Jeno hugs back. “I’m so happy you told me this.”

Jeno wants to cry.

He hugs Renjun with his eyes closed, but when he opens them he makes eye contact with Jaemin who’s grinning at him beautifully.

So Jeno does.

“Oh my God _Jeno_ , you baby!” Donghyuck screams.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So, are Fridays going to still be a thing next week?” Jeno asks. Both of them are sitting on the same bean bag in that one secluded area of the library.

“Of course!” Jaemin says. “It’s traditional.”

Jeno laughs, then kisses Jaemin on the cheek.

“I love you.”

Jaemin starts crying in the library, causing the librarian to check up on them because he is being too loud.

She sighs, and smiles at them. With her hands on her hips, she shakes her head. “Young love,” she mutters.

It’s a new week, and to say Jeno’s not nervous is a lie.

He’s ready, but he’s so _so_ anxious. Everything’s going to change.

Everyone's going to know about their relationship. They're going to be able to do PDA in public. Jeno's about to freak out.

He’s going to have to explain to his friends who have been suspicious to his Friday study sessions. A month ago, he decided to just tell them that he doesn’t study at all. In fact, he stays back to meet a certain someone. They all gawked at him but he didn’t say anything more, so they’re still puzzled in some ways. They couldn't try to stay back and stalk Jeno if they wanted to, because Jeno always makes sure that no one sees him and Jaemin, and Jeno knows his friends' family members wouldn't allow them to come home late.

They probably connected the dots, and put the puzzle pieces together, but that doesn’t matter now. Jeno’s going to confirm their suspicions today. It has been months of dating Jaemin, and he’s ready now. He’s brave and he doesn’t want to conceal anything anymore. After all, he just came out to his parents last weekend - all tears and hiccups.

“Aw, you big baby,” his mother had said.

"You're still our son, and we're proud of you for telling us," his father told him. He didn't think he was able to bawl that loudly before that night.

He reaches school and goes straight to the lockers. All of his best friends are already there. He takes a deep breath and greets all of them casually.

“Oh hey, Jeno,” Renjun says. “You see here, Donghyuck’s in denial-”

“I’m _not_!”

“-he doesn’t want to admit that he is obviously attracted to Mark, like, _romantically_.”

Jeno laughs, and Jisung nods, agreeing with them.

“I don’t like him! What’s wrong with you all?!” Donghyuck whines.

“Like who?” Mark says, appearing out of nowhere, and they all laugh at how red Donghyuck is.

“I can’t breathe!” Renjun wheezes, laughing at the possibility of Mark listening to their conversation, but Mark looks confused. Donghyuck just tells him to ignore them begrudgingly.

“Oh, Mark, you’re here,” Jeno says. “I wanna tell you guys something.”

They stop laughing, and now looking at him with curiosity in their eyes.

He doesn’t have a class with any of them this morning, but he has one with Jaemin. It’s Chemistry class next.

“I’m dating someone,” he says.

The bell rings.

He grins at them. “See you guys later!”

“Lee Jeno!” he hears Renjun scream.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He’s the last one to arrive to their table during lunch, and they all shower him with questions immediately. He sits beside Renjun who’s glaring at him.

“I can’t believe you just told us a very important information and left us hanging like that! You could’ve just said their name instead of saying ‘someone’!”

Jeno chuckles. “That’d be boring.”

"You're mean," Renjun grumbles.

“So who’s your girlfriend?” Jisung asks.

Jeno raises a brow at him.

Donghyuck gasps. “Boyfriend!”

Renjun’s jaw has dropped to the floor. “Jeno… Oh my God… I can’t believe we never knew."

"Woah, since when?"

Jeno just smiles ruefully.

"I don’t even have anyone in my head right now! There’s no one in my mind that I can think of! You have never shown any interest in anyone at all! The only person is _maybe_ Jaemin because I remember your panicked gay laughter every time he’s around but-” Renjun looks at Jeno’s face. “ _Wait._ Oh my God. Wait! No way?!”

“What? What what _what_ what?” Donghyuck yells. He’s so curious that he’s about to pull his own hair until he’s bald.

“Is it-” Renjun starts.

“Hey guys,” a new voice joins in their conversation. They all look up at Jaemin who’s standing over their table.

“Hi,” they all respond to him.

Jaemin looks at Jeno who stands up. He approaches Jaemin, takes his hand, and kisses him. Jaemin smiles into the kiss, arms around Jeno.

“Hello,” Jeno says softly after they pull away.

He doesn’t look at his friends’ reactions yet, but from the corner of his eye he can see them gaping. Mark soon arrives and drops his tray on the floor. Donghyuck is laughing and Renjun is screaming and Jisung is just there gawking at the couple.

After his friends stop making noises, he realises the cafeteria has gone silent, and he looks around to see everyone has their eyes on them.

He grins at all of them.

“Na Jaemin’s mine!”

He raises their entwined hands in the air. Jaemin smiles as he gazes at Jeno. The whole cafeteria erupts into loud cheers and applause.

He’s so glad that everyone’s cheering. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of him. He feels so free and so in love and he’s so so _so_ grateful for the boy in front of him - the one who has claimed to love each and every one of his flaw and he’s so so lucky to have Jaemin. He’s so lucky that it’s him, that it’s Jaemin out of all people. Jeno’s so whipped.

“It’s funny that I don’t feel shy that we’re being watched, but I feel really shy by the way you’re looking at me like that.”

Jeno kisses him again, more passionately and he feels like he’s floating when the cheers start to get louder than before.

“Thank you, Nana.”

**Author's Note:**

> wheee please give some feedback!! kudos and/or comments!!
> 
> it didn't come out the way i wanted it to :( im so bad at writing im sorry.. stan twt made me forget english?! like????? urm dont cry!
> 
> maybe in the future i'll write about how they got in a relationship, or like a bonus chapter of them now openly dating or something
> 
> other than that, thank you for reading!! :D


End file.
